100 Ways To Make The World Slightly More Tolerable

Honey. Sweetie. Schmoopy.

  • On this day when corporations have insisted we show love with a variety of cake and paper and botanical type objects,
  • on a day that we are under some kind of binding contractual obligation to bestow gifts of romance in the hopes of getting some later,
  • on a day that will so quickly be erased by tomorrow’s bullshit,

I’m here to suggest that we should aim to lower the bar.

That’s right. Lower. Instead of a fakey obligation to express love, we should just aim to be fucking nice to one another, and to tolerate each other.

  • We live in a broken world that needs us to care.
  • But this brokenness is exactly what makes caring so difficult.
  • We need to make it safe for people to care.
  • And I believe a world filled with assholes will be a world doomed to not care.

So instead of celebrating love for all (philanthropy), because we’re honestly not quite there yet, let’s celebrate having the smallest iota of tolerance for each other. Let’s start by not being assholes, and by doing what we can to combat assholism when we see it.


In celebration of Colludo’s 100th post, here’s a list.

100 Ways To Combat Assholism

  1. Learn what an asshole is, and be mindful of the definition
  2. Check your internal rules against outer perceptions
  3. Check your motivations
  4. Recognize that your standards aren’t the same as others
  5. Let people around you know about your rules and standards
  6. Ask yourself “is what I’m about to do ultimately for good, despite the fact that it may inconvenience others?”
  7. Kindness and empathy isn’t just for pussies
  8. Drop the tough guy (or girl) act – it’s unbecoming
  9. Learn the difference between internal monologue and external dialogue – sometimes no one wants to hear it
  10. Practice honesty
  11. Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know”
  12. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry”
  13. Admit defeat, embrace your failure
  14. Smile, you curmudgeonly bastard!
  15. Let people into your lane
  16. Wave when someone lets you into their lane
  17. Hold a fucking door open
  18. Be an active, not competitive listener in your conversations
  19. Respect people’s feelings and beliefs, even if you don’t feel they are accurate
  20. Stop interrupting people
  21. Use your ears twice as often as your mouth
  22. Don’t withhold your knowledge
  23. Say please and thank you
  24. Tip well
  25. Keep your word
  26. Accept help when you need it
  27. Give help when you see the need for it
  28. Would it kill you to pay a compliment ever now and then?
  29. Keep unnecessary criticisms to yourself
  30. Keep yourself open to criticism, and
  31. Don’t be such a fucking spazz when someone offers a helpful critique
  32. Learn what a helpful critique is, and
  33. Don’t be afraid to let someone know when their critique isn’t helpful
  34. Don’t be a contrarian
  35. Call your parents and your grandparents and your kids and your siblings
  36. Volunteer
  37. Donate
  38. Advocate
  39. Passive aggression is a waste of time
  40. Aggressive aggression is a waste of energy, but
  41. Take a self defense class… because sometimes its not
  42. Don’t waste people’s time with useless bullshit 
  43. Don’t ignore people with legitimate needs
  44. Recognize that conflict needn’t be negative
  45. Embrace healthy conflict as a means to grow intellectually
  46. Be strong in the face of negative conflict
  47. Don’t sink to their level
  48. And when you do, think about why you made that choice
  49. Be mindful of the vibe you’re sending out
  50. Use sincere, gentle but firm language
  51. Use your yelling voice sparingly
  52. Do your best not to get defensive
  53. Learn full forgiveness and selective forgetfulness
  54. Let go of grudges
  55. Ask for forgiveness
  56. Practice random acts of kindness
  57. Learn a great joke and keep it in your pocket – you never know when you’ll need it
  58. Stand between the bully and the bullied
  59. Talk to your kids about kindness
  60. Talk to your kids about assholes (you can use another word if you REALLY must)
  61. Enforce a Zero Asshole Tolerance zone in your home
  62. Respect your elders
  63. Agree to disagree
  64. Listen to Kenny Rogers and take the lyrics into consideration
  65. Likewise with Dennis Leary
  66. Recognize the stereotypes you buy into, and do your best to rinse them away
  67. Don’t save gifts for Valentine’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries or Christmas – give when your heart allows
  68. Allow yourself to receive when others feel the need to give
  69. Don’t “join in” – bystanders can quickly escalate to assholes
  70. Turn off your fucking cell phone
  71. Failing that, turn off the ringtone
  72. Know what’s going on in the world and your community, and get involved
  73. Be a lifelong learner
  74. Learn to play
  75. Learn to play well with others
  76. Don’t be an online troll
  77. Subtweeting is so 2011
  78. Don’t neglect self-care
  79. Keep your word
  80. Learn to breathe properly
  81. Accept reflection as an important tool
  82. Battle needless consumption
  83. Don’t say childish shit
  84. Denial’s a river up your butt
  85. Accept that hypocrisy is an unfortunate but natural part of life
  86. Read the Declaration of Human Rights on a regular basis
  87. Do your damndest to follow it, and
  88. Stand up for and protect those whose rights are being abused
  89. Have the wit to win – draw circles to draw others in
  90. Get some sleep, you cranky wanker!
  91. Stop being self-deprecating – that’s an asshole magnet
  92. Be mindful of the kinds of assholes that surround you (there are many kinds)
  93. Surround yourself with good friends
  94. If you’re close to an asshole, try talking to them – if they won’t listen, why are you close with them?
  95. Practice independence and interdependence – it’s important to find inner strength, but healthy (and ok) to need others
  96. Whether you’re the asshole or the tormented – it’s not about you
  97. Eat good food, you crabby jackass!
  98. Shun asshole hero worship – celebrities or the infamously famous don’t deserve heraldry for bad behaviour
  99. Ask good questions
  100. Never for a second think that you can’t do anything to change the way things are.